Change

Thats what I feel I am undergoing.. I wasnt such a loner. Being so happy about staying alone.. I dreaded it. Used to cling to friends - even if I did not like them.
Now, am ok if people dont accept me around. I am ok roaming around alone. If people do come along they are welcome.. If they are happy staying away,I am happy with that too. To some extent.. I mean I do sometimes feel am I doing something wrong to see people refuse to be with me but I think thats hormonal :) (What a nice excuse)

So I have dined alone.. Went on a trip alone. And today when I was roaming in the mall, I actually thought of   going to watch a movie alone !! No thats not so good..I am not such a movie buff although allI watch on the TV entire day is CSI, Law and order like series or Movies.

And what I do while the TV is on is amazing.. I cook ! My mother would faint.. People who have suffered through my cooking disasters would be really ask - Do we know this person?
Not only regular Chapati Bhaji , but also parathas, pasta and today - height of all - A chocolate cake ! and fortunately these experiments are turning out good too. So far so good.
I hope this post doesnt jinx any of the fun I am having.. I am ok if it jinxes the loneliness that comes over sometimes..
Thank God for some really great friends who are always around Online or a phone call away help in those bouts..

(Ok I know my writing skills needs some polish, its got rusty and the posts are really not so good..But I will get to it.. soon..)

Random thoughts

Was thinking over multiple things, and realized that I have lost lot of friends due to loss of communication and not due to actual fight or quarrels.. 

Fights or Quarrels can actually be resolved..even at a later stage.. but catching up later? it doesn't always work..because till then each one of them has already built a novel on what the other person should have done and has not done.. 

Other is, does constant pressure situation make you impatient and panicky? Am dealing with a new PM for last three days, and he seems to have pressed the panic button already when the project is still in its 1st week. Is it his normal behaviour or has he been moulded into it due to situations he has been ? So far, I haven't heard a good thing about him barring one person.. so also my experience in last three days hasnt been encouraging.. the dilemma is should I escalate now or give him more rope.. 

Its also been interesting to see how shy people get pushed to react strongly when a limit of frustration is caused. Wishing that shy person luck to tide over the situation and upcoming inquisitions the person might have to face to.. or may be the escalation would simply pass by and the residue would be negative sentiments.. 

When the world is struggling with inflation and earthquakes and floods and bombblasts.. I am stuck in the world of musings of my own with too many random thoughts.. 

Slipping away

I am talking of friends.. dont we all encounter the slipping ?

School Friends, College Friends, Training friends, Location friends, Commute friends, Neighbourhood friends, Team friends, et al..

I am not talking of acquaintances.. I am talking about friends, whom we are pretty close with and share our lives with them .. and after a point of time the contact breaks.. for no specific reason.. how much ever you try to put things back.. it never comes together again ..

I wrote earlier about not being able to connect with friends after long time.. I guess its the same thing.. After a point of time, you stop being able to connect.. But it surely hurts when you see someone slipping away and having no rhyme or reason for it..

I read this post again .. I guess its soo very true..

Will call you later....

Have you heard it ?

"Hey, I am a bit tied up, will call you later , ok?"

"Hello.. hello.. I am not able to hear you well, its very noisy here, Will call you later, ok?"

"Hey, I am getting another call, I will call you later, aaramse baat karte hai "

And how many times does this "later" comes in reality ??

(Yeah, I am mad at my very close friends for doing this to me .. and I know they dont read my blog.. just my way to vent out !!)

Time test

I believe Time test is the bestest (wanted to make it Best test, fir plan change).

I mean Time tells you, who wants to keep in touch with you and who doesnt. Becos for acquaintances , or forgotten friends, we wouldnt prioritize our time.
So also as time goes, we analyze our friendship more objectively, and if we think the other person is not worth your time, then out the person is from memory frames and "time"frames..

Yeah, I am a bit cross with a friend who doesnt have time to talk / chat / meet. But I felt like writing more becos I just chatted with 2 friends of mine - One was my roomie in college days and other cubicle mate in the first 2 years of my first Job. I was soo unable to connect for more than 2 minutes with them. While there is this another friend(who was originally a friend's sister, but turned out to be closer than the original friend :P), I can connect with her pretty fast, and we keep chattering for hours together-even if late nights. I guess its a part of life..

I do beleive time can distinguish a friend for you. No matter after how long are you meeting/talking/chatting, you can still pick up the thread of communication. You dont look for topics to talk with a good friend, they just keep flowing..

Happy Holi (?)

So my Amma wanted me home for Holi.. Me too as it had been 3 years since I had the Puran-polis she makes.. So I had initially refused the invitations to Pune - one by my would-be-Bhabhi and one from my Best Friend. To add to reasons, I had my Photography class on Saturday evening and Sunday 8 am to 5 pm. So I was very vocal about not getting any time to be in Pune..

Then another dear friend calls up to tell me that she is coming to Pune from Delhi with her 8-month-old daughter, Pari. So I get all enthused to take the trip .. My Amma was dejected, but understood that I had to make the trip. So to cheer her up, I promise to get back on Monday evening to have the Puran-poli.

So I leave my home on Sunday morning 7 am with 2 days stuff packed in my back-pack , Get late for the regular train, yet manage to catch it. Then I reach the class, where it starts a whole 15-min late.. then in the first break we head to a farther restaurant-just for the sake of the delight of a friend's taste buds- and again get late to get back to the class. Again the break is extended for another 15 mins. Then again after the class ends at 12:45, as pre-decided, we are supposed to head to Atria Mall for a demo of Macro lenses at Canon Image lounge. So have lunch, rush rush to Worli.. reach later than the decided time 2 pm :D and again the actual demo starts later .. The delays happening were very unlikely as our Sir normally starts right on time. But it was a different day. I could slip away from there at 4 .. reached the bus stand at 4:15, got a ticket for Shivneri -the last one for the 4:30 bus - and started my travel.

After a good ride and a rickshaw "ride" to my friend's place , when I reached my Best friend's place, I was welcomed by a tired face.. where normally I am welcomed with Open arms, but this trip was different :( After an hour and half, my Delhi friend arrived with her sleeping kid :( .. we had dinner together and then she left for her sister's place.. My best friend-already sleepy- slept in next 10 mins. and me restless with my stomach-ache that had started before I left Dadar, could not sleep for another hour.

Next morning, I woke up at 6:45 without a beckon at the time when my first daily alarm goes off, even though I had silenced it the earlier night. As we got freshened up by 9, I called up my Delhi friend to check if she was up and ready to meet again. But she was sleeping with her kid, so left a message to call up once she wakes up. Another friend from Navi Mumbai, started at 10 to meet this Delhi friend. But we did not any call till 12. My best friend and her husband with other few friends of theirs went to play Holi and I - due to my allergies - was left to surf TV channels. after a set of photo shoots, another set of phone calls and discussions, My best friend, her husband and me were cooking lunch for us three at 2 pm. By the time we had our lunch at 3 pm, the Navi Mumbai friend arrived, Then my dear Delhi friend had arrived. so when I started planning to move around 4 to start for Mumbai, she was asking me to stay.. Finally I could start at 5:30 pm.. So as to get a better reaching time we went to Swargate. But found full crowd, complete chaos, and a constant redirecting Govt. employees and piece of information. All the buses till 8 pm were reserved fully. Another phone call and found someone at the ticket line at Pune station.. So rushed to Pune Station just in time for the bus. 6:55 pm I had started back for Mumbai.

Story doesn't end here, I get down at Vashi Plaza, try to get a NMMT for Dombivli and I get after another 20 min wait. As soon as I settle down in a seat, the bus starts sputtering and making nasty noises.. so its taken to a Bus depot. Another wait for 15 mins and we are transferred to another bus. By the time I reach home, I still have my stomach-ache, its 11:20pm, pretty late for dinner. Yet my parents are waiting for me, putting out the dinner. I eat only the Puran-poli as promised although my stomach says no ..

And now I am blogging? To write about the trip that was so unsatisfying.. All the efforts and trouble to see my friends, who were not so enthused to see me :( .. To express my sorrow on not making it a point to meet my would-be-Bhabhi and making her (& I guess my Brother as well) mad at me.. To let my friends know that I couldn't tell them that it hurt me.. To note that next time my mother doesn't like it, I shouldn't go anywhere..

The moral of the story : Mom's always the best. and make sure your priorities are set right !

Katti - Batti

आरगट्टी बारगट्टी तुझ्याशी कट्टी फू !
तुला मी खेळात घेणार नाही , चॉकलेट गोळ्या देणार नाही ,
आलास तर घेइन गाल गुच्चा अंगावर सोडीन भू !!
झुकझुक गाडी, पमपम गाडी , शेतावरची हम्मा गाडी ,
आम्ही सगळे जाऊ भूर , एकटाच राहशील तू !!!

Something that I remembered from my childhood when I read a post by a friend who wrote about her concepts as a kid...

Dragging Conversations ..

... What did you have for Breakfast / Lunch / Dinner ? as per the appropriate time..

... Aur kya Special ?

... Aur aj ka kya plan ?

... "For the Unmarried " Shaadi kab kar rahe ho ?

... "For the People Outside Country" Vapas kab aanewalo ho ya udhar hi settle hone ka irada hai ?

There are many more.. Want to add ?

Gurudev

Long long time back, There was a chawl in a small suburb of Mumbai It was a single level chawl.. tiled with Mangalore tiles, each house had a living room and a kitchen and set of toilet and bathroom.. There were little lines of such houses, paralllels and perpendiculars, 3-4 houses in one line.. it was a one big maze..
This story is about just one of the line of houses which had 4 houses. One of the house out of these four (as far as I remember) never had kids or had very quarrelsome kids who never came to play. Rest three had 2 to 3 kids per house. The families mingled with each other and gelled in quite nicely. All kids were around the same age. So all these kids would play together, watch TV at one of houses (Ramayan especially), study together , etc. etc. Once upon an exam time (I guess there was still some time for the exams to come) all kids sat together to study, rather all parents made them stop playing and got everyone to get their books to study. Since everyone had exams, they got their books out.. but what would the younger ones do ?
A little boy in 1st standard (1st Grade for the uninitiated) and a little girl in Senior KG ( Kindergarten is school grade right before 1st grade) did not have any studies to do as their exams werent that important (Remember its Long time back ) . So they kept going around their older brothers and sisters and continuously grabbed everyone's attention. How would the parents allow such a thing? So they set a task for the boy to teach the little girl how to write in Marathi as he was learning in a Marathi medium school and the girl in English..
अ आ इ ई ...
Don't quite remember what happend later.. but that evening and that teaching has been photographed in my mind. After long time, around 20 years, it took some coincidence and some internet for these two chracters to get in touch again to find none of us stay even near the same place, the chawl doesnt exist, its been demolished to become a Apartment complex, everyone's now have settled down in their lives happily.. But when I called this friend "Gurudev" he never remembered why ..
We are still in touch via Chat, Orkut, Email, Forwards.. and its always fun to talk to each other..
and when I got the company award, he came to know of it from his sister as she works in the same company.. I got an email
"शिष्योत्तमे, अभिनन्दन"
(meaning , "Congratulations to the Best among my students")

It made me smile in my pressure filled day when I was running in and out of meetings..
It brought me back my childhood memories , the little house which seemed soo Big then, the little joys of life which were so abundant.. and the little friends around who would enjoy everything with same innocence !!
I cant go back there in the same age and place, but I surely did spend the rest of my day happily