Sleeping beauty

(This story started as a random prompt but I see the potential of growing further... )

I woke up... It seemed like a peaceful morning... I was not yet ready to get out of the bed... I could hear the early morning noises, the birds chirping, the gurgling noises of the stream nearby, the temple bells ringing at a distance... The aroma of filter coffee from the kitchen managed to further wake the lazy-me and I slowly turned to my left. That’s when I saw her, sleeping next to me, a sweet serene smile on her face… I smiled back mesmerized by the beauty, only to suddenly wake up completely and recoil in horror – who the hell was this sleeping beauty, and what the hell was she doing here?

Then I looked around. It was a nice airy room, natural air breezing in and out through the open windows. Elegant white curtains fluttering at the window softening the morning sunlight giving a dreamy feeling... Some odd knick-knacks around me - a hand-painted odd colored vase, different shaped candles all set up nicely on a work table. A Butterfly adorned framed where I could see a snap of the beauty next to me - and then a voice chimed on my right - "Oh good you have woken up! You were so dead tired yesterday .. and why not, you had a terrible journey" I looked at the voice of my bestie - who I had met after a decade. 

Last time we met, she was all decked up in Wedding clothes and the Constant Reception smile wasn't quite reaching her tired eyes. 

Oh, we were in touch all the time, had heard her heartbreaking when she found her new husband was in an affair and had married under parents pressure. Had heard her confidence shaking when her in-laws - in spite of knowing about their son's negligence, expected her to be the traditional bahu of the 1950s and let her job go for their "Gharane ki ijjat". I with a few other friends also supported her when she decided to break the chains and move to a new city on her own. Heard her horrific tales of men ogling and thinking her a fair game as she was alone. But for a year, due to my own priorities, hadn't been able to connect more often or hear any tales. The final wake up call for me was cleaning up my old cupboard and finding a photo of us both with a note: Twogether we live, Twogether we smile! And I had started on my unplanned trip to meet my bestie - Savitri who was living 800 km away in a small town in Karnataka. The tales of travel - some other time!

"So did you meet my little Abha?  You were sleeping soundly, and Abha sleeps soundly when she has someone to snuggle. I woke up early, so thought will make you some coffee and breakfast.. your favorite paneer paratha with a little bowl of honey " The words bowl of honey had Savitri's familiar frown with it and all the years between us washed out! 

"Abha! She is so radiating like her name.."  That was the name of the beauty sleeping with me... As I was gathering words for the multitude of questions, the sleeping beauty woke up and Savitri got in a fussing mode in a way mothers do to their child... A look from her told me, hold your questions and she introduced me to the shy, approximately-5-year old beauty... 

"Abhu, see here who has come.. your favorite  Abhilasha aunty is here .. and do you know I called her Abhu when we were in college, come on let's brush teeth and give a sweet kissie to aunty"

Abha shied more but still looked at me with her big eyes.. 

"I want a kissie right now.. and I will take more once your have brushed.. I want to see which one is sweeter " I smiled at her and called her out. That did the trick and she tiptoed me to give a little kiss. I held her close and any misgivings I had vanished in that embrace. I was ready to hear Abha's story without any prejudice.

(..to be continued)

Happy Mothers' Day!

Mother - Amma - Aai - Mummy - Mamma - Mom 

So many words, but when you say it you get a feeling of the cozyness, the warmth, the feeling of being home! 

It gets more meaning when you yourselves become a mom - this is for girls - you realise the fear, anxiety, frustrations and worries that your mother must have hidden from you and then comes the additional feeling of Respect, for her efforts, for her love, for her sacrifice. 

There are lot of other mother figures in your life - Maternal Aunts, Paternal Aunts, The next-door neighbours, some Teachers, sometimes just someone you meet but does perform the role in a situation.. Each of them gives you love and warmth over and over again - and still they are different from what your mom is and rightly so!

Marriage gives you another Mother-figure : the much abused and feared Mother-in-law. She definitely isn't your mother, but is your spouse's. The love and respect is with an apprehension - as she is still different from what your mom is and again rightly so ! 

As a child, to all mothers - an important capability we need to learn is to forgive your Mother and Mother figures. As we appreciate their efforts , their sacrifice, there would have been times when you felt they are wrong towards you, they have mistreated you and probably at times mis-led you.. Forgive them today for all that and love them unconditionally for the love they give you. 

Forgiving is easy for your own mother, but to forgive other Mother figures - it takes a lot of courage. On this Mothers' day, find that courage, overcome the mind-blocks and look for a way to reconnect with those Mothers that made a difference in your life, the ones that have helped you be the person you are today.

Twenty-Twenty

Twenty-twenty - referred to the shortened form of the Cricket match and due to the shortened form, change in rules too.

I guess that's what has happened with this year - It has shortened the year of being outside the house, and hence changed the rules of your life.

So we are supposed to stay in our homes and stay safe, when you go out wear a mask, when you come back wash yourself thoroughly and take all precautions to not touch your eyes, nose and mouth!

Do it like the cleanliness freak - because this is twenty-twenty , rules are changed! (the Cleanliness freak are dipping Icecream boxes in Dettol water and then eating dettol flavoured icecreams 😉 )

If you have a vehicle - just keep it working, don't drive around.. if not the virus, the police will catch you, and then you may feel, virus was a better catch! 😰

When you out for essentials shopping, get ready to be overcharged for vegetables "Supply hi nahi ho raha hai " and then you think, we need to help this for the poor vegetable vendor (who may have been a cheating rikshawala in 2019) to earn his daily wages. The rule that if he is a drunkard he will take the money, buy alcohol, and then beat up his family probably hasn't changed.

 If you were the person, trying to find the best deal for any item, you will have to go with the changed rules and buy what is available at the current price because - its twenty-twenty , rules are changed!

If you had plans for an overseas vacation, a local getaway, or celebrating your loved one's birthday at a nice location, you may have to make do with the home because - its twenty-twenty , rules are changed!

Some one has said : We were dying to earn for our homes, but when it came to stay home, we are dying to go out !

But All the lockdown around may result in a lot of job-losses everywhere, the gloom of despair is not spreading its wings.
At this time - what we need is "The Cheerleader's Dance" It doesn't change anything, but for cheers you up for a while, and gives the players a minute to breathe and re-focus!

Re-focus on priorities, on what needs to be done and what was never!
Re-focus on essentials, what is required and what was never!
Re-focus on the new world that is emerging and unlearn the old !

This is twenty-twenty , rules are changed - So we have to play differently !

Bhishma : The instigator of Mahabharata War ?

When someone talks about Mahabharata or Jaya : people talk about why it happened or rather who to blame for the final destructive war .  We discuss about Draupadi taunting Duryodhan and Karna on different occasions - triggering the Game of Dice and ultimately war , About how Dhritarashtra has been blinded by his love for his son and agreeing to everything he says,  About the jealousy amongst Kaurava and Pandava , About Yudhisthir  being trapped in his sense of Right Dharma , etc.  I haven't heard or  read about Bhishma causing the war, yet. 

So my two pai's on Bhishma's role: 

His Single father loves another lady. The lady's father cannot say no because his father is a King - so the bride's father gives a conditional approval, that only her sons will become Kings and not Bhishma. 

He needed to read between the lines - that guy is saying No , but he goes and takes an oath to not marry and protect the throne for lifetime! 

He chose with Authority that his Younger Nephew Pandu to be the King because of his abilities were superior over his Older Nephew. But when it came to grandsons, He did not command the same Authority to take the right decision? He let his Older Nephew take the call ..

Why did he not use his Authority as being the Family Eldest, Great warrior of his time - to stop the Game of Dice or the Draupadi Cheerharan ? 

Why did he not use this Authority to make Shri Krishna's peace discussions a success ?

As I am not an expert in Mahabharata / Jaya, I wonder about the answers. The Series Mahabharata has Dialogues for Bhishma where he says he is "Vivash" all the time, translated as Helpless or  not in control. The answers may be in there in the same Epic - as it is said 

यदिहास्ति तदन्यत्र यन्नेहास्ति न तत् क्वचित् |

yadihAsti tadanyatra yannEhAsti na tat kvacit |

(That which exists in the Mahabharata exists everywhere in the world.

That which is not in the Mahabharata does not exist anywhere else)

 So I may not know all answers but Some day I will find it :)

 

#Lockdown

The world as we know has changed. It will never go back to be the same.

When Governments end Lockdowns across the world,
We will wonder are they doing it because the fear of spread has reduced or to bring a bounce to economy ..
We will always fear, when someone sneezes of coughs, is that person a carrier or  infector ?
We will always be anxious, when our kids go to schools and creches and fret on their health..
We will always be in a doubt, when another virus will take over the world..
We will always dream, when all will be normal, when will I take that vacation without any worries.
We will always plan , for such crisis - physical health, home finances, mental stability

and We will always remember and reminisce -- during lockdown , we did this and we did that and we were so brave that we stayed home !

Over a Period of time !

Was browsing through old posts and wanted to check how much I have changed .. 

So here I go
10 Random Facts
1. I love dark chocolates... darker they are more I like them.
 - This is still my favorite, though now I am building a partner for this crime.. my son..though he loves only dairy milk - no nuts
2. I am a Farmville addict.. unless I am visiting our real world farmpur regularly. 
- This addiction is totally off, My New Addiction is Kindle reading , actually the first one is playing with my son.
3. In songs, I like them only if I understand and like the lyrics. The music - IMHO- flows with the words. 
- This is valid still.
4. I am very lazy.. and I try hard not to be.  
- Not so very, but these days its called, selective prioritization and lack of discipline 
5. I am always homesick :( even after staying out of home for long stretches (Engg 4 years, US 2.5 years, Aus now 5 months) ..I always want to go home!!!  
- Now I know Home is a feeling not a place.. and based on place and situation, the homesickness sets in 
6. I believe more in Palmistry than horoscopes. Again Lines on your hand keep changing too..I have seen them change on mine !  
- Have stopped looking for future, I now believe, Now and here should be enjoyed :)
7. I hate anything related to clothes - shopping, washing, ironing - you say it and I hate it :) 
- Ahh this stays.. Ironing is outsourced, washing effort reduced, but shopping still stays on hatelist, so once in a while I go out in a shop that I know well, buy 4-5 sets and relaxxx.. 
8. I like to stay connected to the internet. Not exactly a junkie, but keep reading things and updates. 
- Social Media eats up internet time, but it sort of gives me direction to read. and then I realised that on Social media, what you read  drives more similar articles /post .. so that too turns me off these days. the whole contextual placement , isnt helping me widen my knowledge. 
9. I want to start Technical blogging but point 4 affects me.. :)
- Still same .. but then I have turned to Managerial track - that shouldnt stop me from sharing experiences there.. yet. 
10. I want to write a novel someday.. Even if no one reads it, I am ok. 
- I have some progress here.. I put together a framework , but not moved ahead of it. Some other stuff that gets prioritized. 

The Q&A session:

1. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?

Think about - do I need to get up now or can snooze and sleep a bit more..(Refer to fact#4)
- still the same and my husband is way too irritated about this  😀😀

2. How do you express your anger?

You can see my anger pretty easily and in words and body language. If I can restrain it, it will come as sarcasm.
- Havent changed much there although, I have more control over the anger coming in words or body language. I take time to understand the other person's perspective and place where they are coming from. 

3. If you had to live on a lonely island and take only one book with you, which one would that be?

It would be one I want to read and hence very accessible and have not been able to pick up at all.
- The Bhagvadgita ? I will get enough time to read and understand it and will stay calm due to it 

4. An embarrassing moment/ fact about you?

I am very forgetful about my appearance..and hence never can make a first good impression :(
- Still the same , still the same..

5. How much do you let your academic success/failure affect your life?

Academic success has surely paved a way ahead while pursuing academics. I mean, the next level of education asks for how much did you get in your previous exam. But then real life, where it really matters  who cares how much you scored in your SSC ?
- Academic outcome ? I have to start learning for that. If I translate it to Professional success / failure / setback / feedback - I get way to pissed off in the first phase , second phase understand the anger and the other set of people's perspective and third phase - Bake a cake 😃

6. Do you believe in first impressions?

I believe in first intuitions. Isn't it same as first impressions ? No. A person might impress you in first meeting. But you always get an intuition if the person matches the impression or not. 
- Again the same 

7. What period of your life do you think was best?

Now.. I love to think about the past, but I think now is better than before. 

- Still the same 

8. Do you live in present more or brood about past and fantasize about future more?

I believe in past whatever decisions I have taken are based on my knowledge, situation and analysis at that point of time and I continue to do so in present as well as in future. So Why worry? Just stay here and now and do the right thing.

- Once again, the same .. 

9. Your favorite cartoon and why?

Tom and Jerry :)  
- Any animation now , although the adult mind adulterates the fun trying to find hidden meanings in some 

10. And finally Harry potter or Twilight?

Harry Potter.. There is more maturity in young Harry Potter than the teenager Bella. 

- Still the same thoughts



Overall, Looks like my core stuff hasnt changed over time, if these questions were supposed to find it - But I Like the questionnaire: I can have my team answer it to have a fun virtual meeting !

Hidden Talents

So when I joined this new company, in the introduction round, I was asked what is my hidden talent. I mentioned Blogging, as i havent been doing it any often and hence has been hidden away . .

I wish I can write more.. and more often too. 

Making it up on the go..

It was just a trial..  To #rhyme up a rhyme based on #Devanagari letters.. #Konkani being my mother tongue, it was easier..so here is my creation..
Mind it, there is not much poetic value, it's for kids and hence simple and since its mine,  it sounds sweet to me

क क कमळ, ख खयि दोक्कुनु हाडोया
ग ग गणपती बाप्पाक घ घ घराकडे हाडनु चोढोया
च च चवथीक छनछन् कोरनु येत्तलो,
जय देव जय देव करुया अनि झोकालीरी झुलोया।
टण टण करता घांट ठण ठण करता जघांट
डमडम करता डमरू अनि ढमढम ढोल वाज्जोया ।
पार्वतीले फुल्लाक,बमबम भोले ल बाब्बाक
म म मोदकाचे नैवेद्य करुया ।
ताट करी जेवणाचे थाट करी ताटाचे दया करी आम्चेरी
ध ध पाय धरुया।
न न नमन आम्मी तुक्का करताती, यो रे यो लवकरी,
वयि आम्मी तुक्का शरण आयिली।
सुख अनि समाधान, षण्मुखाले आशिर्वाद,
हे देवा क्षमा करी ज्ञान अभय दी आम्का!

The Living Room Sofa

Since my childhood, I have always slept in the Living room, only now do I have a different room.
Earlier our house had only 2 rooms, the Living room and the Kitchen. So naturally it was the living room. We were kids then and getting up at 6:30 to start for school at 7 was a task !!! Poor mom and dad had a daily Herculean task..
Then we moved to another apartment which had same number of rooms but just a size bigger. It wasnt the age of Sofa-cum-beds yet, only a bed was prevalent and that took a big space in our living room. My Granny ( she was with us for that short time)  used to sleep on it.
So till all this time I always liked the bed-roll on the floor.
We moved in our Bigger home, with an additional room called bedroom. We children took the Living room and the balcony separately, after a proposition to exchange places on a periodic basis. (its another thing, that I never left the balcony till the Sofa came in)
So this home was remodeled so many times, that I almost remember staying in different places instead of one. and with each makeover, the balcony was more and more out of sight and Living room was the biggest room. Sometime in between, the Red Sofa-cum-bed arrived in our Living room. My brother declared it unfit for him to sleep due to his height and I was the sole contender to it !
I never looked at any other option unless there was some guest, or my mom had a restraining order on how late I could sleep in the Living Room.
When I went to US, I was placed in a 2 bedroom apartment with 2 roommates. I was supposed to share 1 bedroom with one of them. But with no cellphone, and house phone in the living room next to the Sofa, and my Long calls to Home and friends and my team back in India, I ended up sleeping on the Living room sofa.. When I was at my friends place ( I spent most of my time there), the Living room Sofa was much more comfortable than any other place.- for me it was my home in US !
I moved into another Apartment and shared it with one other roommate. Dint have a Sofa but just a mattress. Although I had a choice, I put it in the Living room and settled out there :)
When I relocated to another city, I rented another 1 bedroom apartment and naturally I chose the Living room over the bedroom. My roomie came in another month later, till then the Bedroom was only a store-room. As we collected furniture - mattresses and sofa, my roomie helped me change my habits by citing saving electricity as a reason. Although I did find reasons to sleep on the two-seater sofa with my legs hanging out e.g late night calls with my team in India, or work or watching online movies , etc. , I was comfortable sleeping anywhere :).
When I was back home to India, we had shifted to a new place. Its a 2 Bedroom plus Living room plus kitchen. Anticipating Brother's marriage, he was in one of the bedrooms and my parents in another.. Me was back in Living Room..My father got it partitioned so that I get some privacy of my own, yet it was still my favorite Living Room.

Post Marriage - I miss the Living room sleeping and after a kid its much more farther. Although I do find time to nap on the Living room sofa , its still a rare occasion.

How life changes!

Crazy to be Happy

Do you need to be crazy to be happy ?

Morning 9 am in Kuala Lumpur everyone is rushing towards offices on a Wednesday so halfway through the week. I saw a well dressed lady getting out of LRT.  She had a stuffed Koala Bear  and a small bouquet of flowers in her hand and was very happy. She was enthusiastically smiling and laughing and bouncing and saying something with the bouquet and stuffed animal held up high for display. She moved fast out of the LRT coach down the steps and out of the station. Everyone around was looking at her and I am sure wondering if she is crazy.
I did not see the lady beyond the ticketing point. I wanted to follow her , find the reason of her happiness.. see if I can catch the bug..

I was thinking, do you need to be crazy to be so happy ? I think we need to be soo crazy to forget every trouble and be happy regardless to what is happening around.

I had a smile on my face to see someone so happy .. and the incident bade me a good morning !

Grow Young..

Grow young - seems like such a senior citizen kind post ! But no .. this is a lesson I want to remember always. Because I read somewhere - If you think you are a grown-up already, you think you cant grow anymore, So be  child ..always.

Well this post is supposed to be the feeling of growing young - Not that I am too old, but once you cross the third decade of age, you feel you should act a little more mature - but this is about defying the same feeling.
My friend who is a Engineering college professor once mentioned - Teaching to this 18-20 aged kids keeps me young, their thoughts are fresh and different in each batch, I am very much kept up to date on how the generation thinks and hence I can gauge the generation gaps and understand people more.
I am currently having the same feeling. I go for lunch with a kid who is around 18-19. But she helps me understand her thoughts, aspirations, her idea of relationships, life and also makes me loosen up a bit and enjoy the lunch time. I feel I am letting go of my fears, learning new things and living it a little. Sometimes, you need just that !
Just few days back, we played a prank on a unsuspecting new colleague - as we did not want to mess up with office politics when we met a ex-colleague. And it was real  good fun. I probably wouldnt have done it, if I did not have the young company.
So yes, it refreshes me .. a lot !

But the key is being observant of their thoughts and empathize with it - not brush it off thinking its immature.. 'cause that's the attitude that results in generation gap.. Don't we know by our experience with some of our elders ?

Krishna-Radha meet in Swarg..

Came across this wonderful piece of work.. Not sure it's a poem or a prose..

स्वर्ग में विचरण करते हुए
अचानक एक दुसरे के सामने आ गए

विचलित से कृष्ण ,
प्रसन्नचित सी राधा...

कृष्ण सकपकाए, राधा मुस्काई

इससे पहले कृष्ण कुछ कहते
राधा बोल उठी "कैसे हो द्वारकाधीश ?"

जो राधा उन्हें
कान्हा कान्हा
कह के बुलाती थी

उसके मुख से द्वारकाधीश का संबोधन
कृष्ण को भीतर तक घायल कर गया
फिर भी किसी तरह अपने आप को
संभाल लिया

.....और बोले राधा से
मै तो तुम्हारे लिए आज भी कान्हा हूँ
तुम तो द्वारकाधीश मत कहो!

आओ बैठते है ....
कुछ मै अपनी कहता हूँ
कुछ तुम अपनी कहो

सच कहूँ राधा जब जब भी
तुम्हारी याद आती थी
इन आँखों से आँसुओं की बुँदे निकल आती थी

बोली राधा ,
मेरे साथ ऐसा कुछ नहीं हुआ
ना तुम्हारी याद आई ना कोई आंसू बहा
क्यूंकि हम तुम्हे कभी भूले ही कहाँ थे
जो तुम याद आते

इन आँखों में सदा तुम रहते थे
कहीं आँसुओं के साथ निकल ना जाओ
इसलिए रोते भी नहीं थे

प्रेम के अलग होने पर तुमने क्या खोया
इसका इक आइना दिखाऊं आपको ?
कुछ कडवे सच ,प्रश्न सुन पाओ तो
सुनाऊ?

कभी सोचा इस तरक्की में तुम
कितने पिछड़ गए

यमुना के मीठे पानी
से जिंदगी शुरू की
और समुन्द्र के खारे पानी तक
पहुच गए ?


एक ऊँगली पर चलने वाले
सुदर्शन चक्र
पर भरोसा कर लिया
और दसों उँगलियों पर चलने वाली
बांसुरी को भूल गए ?

कान्हा जब तुम
प्रेम से जुड़े थे तो ....
जो ऊँगली
गोवर्धन पर्वत
उठाकर लोगों को
विनाश से बचाती थी
प्रेम से अलग होने पर वही ऊँगली
क्या क्या रंग दिखाने लगी
सुदर्शन चक्र उठाकर विनाश के
काम आने लगी

कान्हा और द्वारकाधीश में
क्या फर्क होता है बताऊँ
कान्हा होते तो
तुम सुदामा के घर जाते
सुदामा तुम्हारे घर नहीं आता

युद्ध में और प्रेम
में यही तो फर्क होता है

युद्ध में आप मिटाकर
जीतते हैं
और प्रेम में आप मिटकर
जीतते हैं

कान्हा प्रेम में डूबा हुआ आदमी
दुखी तो रह सकता है
पर किसी को दुःख नहीं देता

आप तो कई कलाओं के स्वामी हो
स्वप्न दूर द्रष्टा हो
गीता जैसे ग्रन्थ के दाता हो

पर आपने क्या निर्णय किया
अपनी पूरी सेना कौरवों को सौंप दी?
और अपने आपको पांडवों के साथ कर लिया

सेना तो आपकी प्रजा थी
राजा तो पालक होता है
उसका रक्षक होता है

आप जैसा महा ज्ञानी
उस रथ को चला रहा था
जिस पर बैठा अर्जुन
आपकी प्रजा को ही मार रहा था

आपनी प्रजा को मरते देख
आपमें करूणा नहीं जगी

क्यूंकि आप प्रेम से शून्य हो चुके थे

आज भी धरती पर जाकर देखो
अपनी द्वारकाधीश वाली छवि को

ढूंढते रह जाओगे

हर घर हर मंदिर में
मेरे साथ ही
खड़े नजर आओगे

आज भी मै मानती हूँ
लोग गीता के ज्ञान की बात करते हैं
उनके महत्व की बात करते है

मगर धरती के लोग
युद्ध वाले द्वारकाधीश. पर नहीं
प्रेम वाले कान्हा पर भरोसा करते हैं

गीता में मेरा दूर दूर तक नाम भी नहीं है
पर आज भी लोग उसके समापन पर
" राधे राधे" करते है

Lot of good lines in this are very touching..
I will try to translate the one I felt as the best .
Radha on her love for Krishna..
I never remembered you or never shed any tears for you..
To remember, I had to forget.. Which I never could..
And was worried that you would flow out with tears so never shed them too..

There are lot more questions that Radha raises to Krishna on the way he dealt with his life and how he went far from love.. and in the end says, the People on earth now worship the Lover Krishna and not the other roles he performed in his life.

My take: Its a beautiful piece of literature ( I came to know later that the author/poet is Sharad Joshi). Krishna was a common man when her was at Gokul and was with Radha.. When he entered Mathura and challenged the King, he stopped being a commoner and then had to lead his life more as a strategist and had to make decisions for masses at large. He was a romantic at heart, but that does not make a good strategist and hence he changed.. If we dont like change in a person after a few years - that does not mean the person will not or should not change.. Its just that our expectations are wrong.
Lot of more thoughts on this..but some other time.

Gender Discrimination..continued

Discrimination is prejudicial treatment .. So a when a baby is born, if its a girl, she is swathed in pink, if its a boy, he is swathed in blue .. Already decided what colours the kid should wear.. anyways they cant choose, but lets decide for them ..
Little Girls are always presented with toys of fairies, Play house, Dolls.. and Little Guys - Guns, Cars, Robots.. Very rarely I see it vice versa.. So far, I havent.. Even I havent gifted any kid otherwise ! Isnt that as well prejudicial treatment ?

Its churning up a lot a thoughts - I am suddenly reminiscing a conversation with a friends mother- who is a professor in Engg College in one of the tier two cities in Maharashtra a few years back. My friend's younger sister was in 12th Std. , a point of her education where she has to decide which field she wants to study further.. Her interest was in Medical , her mother insisting on Engg or any other Sciences - Reason ? if she went into Medical, it would be difficult for her to find a husband !!  Being a hot-headed college student, I tried to protest, but you cant protest much in the confines of respecting the elders.

There are other cases I remember, where the son was sent out to Hostel for studies, but the daughter wasnt..on account of her not being mature enough.. ( as far as I know the girl, she has a mind far mature than a lot of people of my age)

Workplaces - A male project manager always discouraged addition of female resources to his team, if he ever got one, he would by hook or crook pass the team member to other teams. His reasoning, Girls create more fuss about work, have issues staying back late, etc. etc. Although his reasoning was shared in confidence with his peer friends- you cant do it officially or openly..A sideline discussion, if I have to retain one out of girl and guy, I would retain the guy..

I have had juniors who did not like me leading the team ! A complete peacock he was ..

I dont even have to talk about a lot of other places..

I am not of the opinion that Girls can do everything a Guy can or even vice versa.. But That is not applicable to all..I simply dont like the typecasting that this is Girl's work and that is Guy's.. Identify and Recognise individuals , individual strength and weaknesses and let them develop..

I am going to take Cars for my nieces.. and not dolls and fairies .. My nieces will love them ..

Gender Discrimination..

I wanted to write about this one today.. but just too many thoughts and all jumbled up.

For starters, here is a video - Again focused on Indian issues, but I feel Gender Discrimination is a Global thing.. Starts with Pink and Blue and continues .. 

Rapes are not always about Sex

Need some research too to make sure I am opining on facts.. Not just experiences..

Discrimation.. Gender, Racial or otherwise

Very heavy and loaded topic.. One slip and I will be boycotted from this world.. But then again, these are my personal opinions - You can argue, discuss, comment. You have no right to Force me to change them. If I agree with you, I will rethink on my opinions. Still, it is my choice.

First thing is to define.. So here is the definition from Google. I dont care for the third one.. and I am not sure why the first one comes first and why not the second one. I think that is the problem. Instead of recognizing and understanding the difference, the prejudicial treatment of categories is being given more importance these days. Dont we see it everywhere ?

I will talk about Gender discrimination separately- that is much more pronounced and global phenomena. 

Take Racial Discrimination - Its the top news these days.. Two countries fighting over a piece of land to prove their race has more right over the land and the other is unjustly creating terror. Lot of sensationalised news is plastered on Social Media when any altercation happens between two different race/religion based people. If they were of the same race/religion, it wouldnt have been a news item (sounds like a item number, doesnt it ) Killings in various countries due to racial discrimination or hatred is a monthly news item. But then does it really exist ? I have seen it in subtle ways in Foreign countries, where the Cafe counter person smilingly takes the order from a previous and next person and stops smiling and becomes very professional when I stand in front of them. I have seen Property Agents who try to go by book when it is me and lax the policies for others who are of his own country/race/religion.  Thats why I say it subtle..Its not outright - its simply 'You are an outsider, you get completely professional treatment, I dont want to be friendly or helpful with you'. But is it only foreign countries ? It could happen in your neighbourhood. No offense meant: but walk in a Hindu area in a burkha- some people cross the road to be away from you. Vice versa, walk in a Muslim area with a large bindi - same thing happens. Or you get stared at -"Why is this person in this area"  You see it trains- I have seen it in Mumbai Locals.. either fought out or whispered or just through facial expressions of dislike towards each other.

Workplaces are supposed to be professional places. But If your Lead /Manager of your own religion/caste/area - you tend to get the vibes from other team members "Ahh Favoritism" even if you are a superior at your work any praising act done to you or scolding act done to your team members is looked through the same jaundiced, prejudiced eyes. Or it could go other way too.. The Lead/Manager my treat you poorly in spite of the quality of work, just to ensure nobody is tagging him for favoritism. I am not even getting into the Gender Discrimination area yet. The point is we are already prejudiced.. We have already decided that the race/religion/caste/creed are a Discriminating factor - Not in the sense of the Definition 2 but in the sense of Definition 1 .. and since we are prejudiced, we have also somewhere decided in our mind that My Race/Religion/Caste/Creed is superior than yours. This is where the root of the problem is..

The whole post started based on another type of discrimination. I read a post on Facebook about a well-educated Sr. Citizen trying to get a person sitting next to him to stand up only because he did not look sophisticated. That I believe is Class-based discrimination . Sort of the ones which when get out of the hand become something like the French Revolution. I am taking it to extremes.. But isnt it just similar ?

The one I want to mention is Skin colour. And this again is not country specific. In our own country, the lighter shades of brown feel superior than the darker shades.. the cosmetic companies make money happily based on this one by selling products that promise lightening your shade of brown for guys and girls alike. Dont believe in discrimination based on colour ? Try creating identical profile for Matrimonial for two guys ( forget girls) of the two shades and see the response. The discrimination is subtle but its there.. and the darker shades also possess an unnecessary and unhealthy inferiority complex over their shade.

Cant we just simply revert back to Definition 2. Recognize and Understand the difference ? Race, Religion, Caste, Creed, Class, Colour are a part of what we are. But then do we NEED to apply prejudicial treatment ? Cant we just take a person on face and behavioural value ? Do we need to typecast them? or do we need to make others feel inferior to feel superior ? That sounds more like Chatur from '3 Idiots' - Agar exam me top karna hai to khud acche marks lao ya dusron ke kam karo.. 
Cant we Simply treat the next person as another human being ? When I think back, I feel even I am not so clean.. there might have been occasions when I have discriminated amongst people .. I need to change my mindset as well.
Actually it is conditioning of mind that will take time to change.. but can we start one step at a time. One person at  time.. One barrier at a time.. It will be difficult, tedious but not so impossible.


Pls Note: My contexts are India based. So anything outside India is Foreign.(Putting it lightly duniya me ek hi des hai , baki sab to Pardes hai :) )

Hangups..

All of us have these hangups.. If such and such thing happens, I can make some future plans.. If I dont get increment this year, I will start looking for a job.. If this happens, then I will start on that..

Do they really make sense ? Not always.. Obviously there are certain dependencies that need to fulfill before something can be done. But havent we seen completely independent things linked together in this hangup manner ?
Lets look at this one closely- as this is the most common one - "If I dont get increment /promotion this year, I will start looking for a job" So everything else is fine, like my boss is a wonderful person to work with, my work is absolutely interesting, only thing missing is a promotion or a satisfactory increment.. Really is it true ? I believe, if someone am happy with my work and boss, the new job search will not even touch your mind. Because if your boss is really good, you will be sure that you get the deserved promotion/increment. If the hangup is only on increment, I guess the job search will start only if you got the lowest increment in the team - again if your boss is good, he will take care of you. So it really depends on others increment ;)
If you are unhappy in your job, you look for another job. Period. An increment or promotion is not going to suddenly make you happy. 

I think, when we put in a If-then-else loop, we really don't want the else part..And most of us have these hangups for lot of activities, decisions and tasks.. I cleared one of mine yesterday to take a decision.. Do you analyse your thoughts this way ?

Can I write ?

Yes, I am blogging since a long time..around seven and a half years.. But still I wonder, can I write ? I shared my blog with my cousin's group on Whatsapp. Except for one or two, nobody bothered to respond :) Only on Sis-in-law mentioned its just what I think and feel. True, a blog is my online diary so my thoughts and feelings. But then is this called "Writing" in real sense ? I think not..

When I planned this break from my fulltime job, I had a lot of plans! Blogging a little more frequently so as to improve the writing practice, start a technical blog, try writing stories, learn something new like knitting, etc. etc. I have just started on one of the plans.. blog a little more frequently. Will slowly pick up on the rest :)

Writing short stories is next thing I want to try out. Checked out a few websites too on how to write a story. I am sure to do it in next few days.  Need some motivation and inspiration.

Because everyone of us can do anything and everything that we want to very strongly !!

The Boss Ad

So I just saw this Airtel ad about Boss assigning some work to team members and them slogging out and then she goes home and cooks. The team-member then gets a call from his wife to come for dinner, and on a video call shows the dinner how it looks and then you get to know his Boss at work is his Boss at home ;)

I also saw a NDTV discussion on if this ad was demeaning the females or progressive or trying to encourage the Superwoman tendency or set expectations that whatever you are at work, you still have to cook at home. I also came across a few more tweets ( I did not understand what some of them intended to say - but may be because I do not understand the definition of Feminism, will have to google it out)


About being the boss and wife-who-cooks-at-home at the same time, Possible scenario, every individual is different. I feel, as a boss, she should have probably helped out with the work and not left the team in office- atleast should have made some offer/arrangement for their refreshments. She does say call me if any help is required, but still.. But then how would the network strength be depicted :-P
Going back home, freshens up and cooks for her husband. So one who has reached home first has started cooking- does it imply she has to cook daily ? or does it imply what she has made is tasty or that she/they cant afford to have a cook to help. I know one of my friends has two cooks, one for morning and one for evening. But on days, she gets late from office, she has to cook.. Maids/cooks don't wait for you at your doorstep till the time you come back home. They work only on their schedule- there could be exceptions, but then they are that.


My two-pais (maiden surname and after married one too) on it.. I found the ad interesting.. No reason to outrage, Why even compare or draw conclusions from an Ad ? Do we really live like the people in Ads or Movies or TV serials ???? I think even in remote corners of India, where TV is , they know things arent as shiny as they see in TV -be it ads, serials or movies.. None of the detergents really can turn a yellow or offwhite shirt into white, no family members keep plotting against other family members, no Munnabhai can easily become a doctor (thats a residue from a movie watched yesterday but did not find any other anecdote here) So stop giving any real life connotations.. 
Is the ad suggesting something or expecting something.. Yeah, they just want to say they have calling facilities as well as Video calling. If the network really provides that level of clarity or not-cant be determined as they have not specified which cell tower area or city they are talking about. I have only used a airtel broadband data card for a very short period, but dint find the speed interesting or superfast, Never tried video calling -BSNL broadband was the one for me and my husband :)

Note-All brand plug-ins are contextual and no real advertising is expected.. I don't even have AdSense or anything on my blog yet, so I am not benefited :)

What's cooking today ?

Cooking has been a love-hate relationship for me.. Some days I like to and some days I dont..

Earliest memories are from Sr. KG..now called UKG or just Kindergarten .. Oh I did not cook per say.. but had helped my aunt make tea for herself and her husband.. Its an incident they love to narrate .. My Aunt (Mom's eldest sister) and Uncle had come home for a visit and I was home alone locked in with the window open (those were days when we stayed in Chawl and the neighbours kept a watch on me). I recognised my Aunt and Uncle and asked them to get keys from neighbour to open the house and get in. The only hospitality I could do was bring water from them. Then -as they say- I asked my aunt to make tea for her :) got on to the Kitchen platform and gave the tea powder and Sugar dabbas , showed her where the milk was.. Eventhough being a guest, she made the tea for herself and her husband.. By the time they sat down to have their tea, Mom was home .. and she was I think embarrassed that the guests had to make tea for themselves.. My aunt and uncle still enjoy those memories..

Then it has been more of on and off helping out in everything.. Cooker setup, roti rolling, Dosa making (not the atta preparations), cleaning /cutting vegetables and any thing that came out of packets that needs following instructions like Maggi, Gits Gulabjamun etc. On days Mom was not well, my father takes over the kitchen, then the assistant is more constantly required :) It was only when I went to US had to cook completely but that experience of 3-4 months is different post ( I might have already posted) then again got great roommates who decided I dont have much of cooking skills - I always missed the proportions for salt masala by a mile - so delegated me to the roti making role for 2 years :) So now I have the capacity of making good rotis from any kind of atta -coarse, medium, fine- and upto 30 rotis at one sitting..
Then once a while I was allowed to experiment , but those days my roommates would go half stomach - as they couldnt eat what I made..

Over a period of time I have improved in the proportions.. Australia stay was a great cooking learning experience.. I went on to bake a cake, throw a pav bhaji party for 10-15 people, Misal pav party etc.

But when it came to post marriage, I am still stuck. I am still not good at the traditional konkani cooking. But coming to Malaysia has been a boon in disguise.. My husband doesnt expect me to do it completely traditional way. So I keep experimenting. So much that I am thinking of starting a recipe blog page. "Optimized resource based Recipes" ;)

Lets see how it goes ..

--Yaayy.. Day 3.. I can register for NaBloPoMo now ..

Mobile Memories..

As I am struggling with the fact that I do not have a handset on me right now..or should I say working handset .. I am just trying to remember my old handsets..

I bought my first Nokia 3310 from my first salary way back in 2004.. I think I used it for a long time and then handed it over to someone from my family.. Then I had a Reliance number and so a reliance phone as was the trend those days. Dont even remember what model it was ..
Then in US I remember getting  Nokia Flip phone--I was very fascinated with the flipping action then :) ..Then a Samsung Red one when I was supposed to get a plan and a phone with it.. Again dont remember the model but it was locked to the operator.. That was another nice one ..
iPhone - another dream model came into my reach in the last few months of my US stay.. I simply loved it and used to quite a lot extent -Maps, various apps to do multiple things and so on..Then on my return journey -when I had already researched how to Jailbreak and use it back home in Mumbai- iLost iPhone in transit.. It was a 2 mins before I realised I had dropped it andby the time I retraced my steps inside the airplane..I had lost it .. I was in shock for a week after that..
I think I went for a simple phone then ..Sony Ericsson if I am not wrong.. Something with minimal internet, some games, not too basic , not too advanced.. It took me a few years to warm up to smartphone and Androids and touchscreens again .. I got a Sony xperia mini pro..something with a Keyboard and palmsized .But before that I had a Nokia C6 I think..touch with keyboard.. Both were quite lovely phones and at a point of time I was carrying both of them on me.
Both the phones met their end in washrooms :) .. Nokia at Delhi Airport when a lady pushed it into Basin.. and Sony when I dropped it in Australia and the screen had cracks same as they show in cartoons when any glass breaks.. It still works.. but very dangerously for the fingers..
After all this I went for a budget phone ..Micromax Canvas 2 - was very happy with all the features and stuff and gave me no problems for a year and more .. and just a week back.. it just hung up on me..The Screen has frozen and doesnt respond to my touch !!

Now got a new one ..unfortunately it too has got stuck in few hours.. I feel I am running out of luck with phones.. Hope my new one gets fixed today at the showroom..

Well ..life's like that.. Not that I cant live without the phone ..but its my constant companion.. I think I spent one day getting frustrated over phone and gave a hard time to my hubby over it too :) But since a few days I got used to it .. I am ok ..

Isn't it always like that .. we find someone ..get used to them..love them-hate them- but want them around..and one day they just leave ..then we get angry, frustrated, sad .. and then get used to not having them .. Its a cycle ..cycle of change..cycle of Life.. Okay..I am talking philosophy now ...But yet .. What comes ..has to go ... Only thing we have with us is to enjoy the moment we have with the person, with the stuff and with our life too..